by Sang Lintakoon

To my White Evangelical Christian friends,

I wish you had the compassion to reach out and ask how I have been doing instead of filing me away in your mind as someone who no longer checks all your boxes as your safe, non-threatening, and “almost White” token Asian American Christian friend.

You may not ever allow yourself to admit that even a part of you saw me that way, but I have spent my entire life training for that part, and I know that I’m a damn good actor. To be honest, I had perfected the role so well that I even had myself convinced!

You may have seen my social media posts over the last few years and thought to yourself, “Wow, she’s angry,” or “Wow, she’s changed,” or “Wow, she’s become such a liberal,” and while I’m not going to try and convince you why your assumptions are incorrect, I do want to point out that you never once asked me directly. You never once stopped to wonder what caused this seeming shift in my perspectives. You never once seemed to care about actually loving your friend.

I would almost understand if you never really knew me, but I was at (or in) your weddings, on your ministry teams, in your homes, with your children. We confided in each other, broke bread together, held space for each other’s hopes, prayed for each other through tears.

What if I told you that after years of playing the role of your agreeable and docile sidekick, I finally realized what a pawn I had been in upholding the culture of white supremacy? What if I told you that if I was the sidekick, that means you were (and are) the hero?

I wish you had the capacity to pause and look inward at the ways you may be blinded, to the ways you may not have all the pieces to the puzzle, to the ways you have unknowingly been sacrificing your friends as pawns in a game that is rigged for your victory.

Will you pause to reflect without seeking answers just yet?

Will you pause to hold space for this grief and lament?

Will you simply

just

pause?